Monthly Archives: October 2016

Sweata Weatha

25 Tuesday Oct 2016

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Enough about yoga pants, are you as excited as I am about SWEATA WEATHA? The nights are getting chilly. So it’s time to put away your sleeveless tops and bring out your favorite sweaters. The fact that I get to bury any semblance of arm dangle in a long sleeve or hide a tired turkey neck for a few more months is like… buttah.
SWEATA WEATHA means it’s fall in New England. You know, one of the four seasons.

Growing up in Texas, you had two seasons. Summer and not summer.

Now, you could go to the mall (shopping is considered a sport in Texas) and buy an adorable sweater and wear it in October. Inside. In 65-degree air conditioning.

But the moment you walk outside in your wooly runway wear, you’re exposed to a hot flash that’s also known as the great Texas outdoors. When it’s 90 degrees in October in Houston, you can feel the sweat oozing from your forehead down to your pits as soon as you walk outside. Your neck gets moist and you feel like you’re in Gilley’s with Sissy and Bud, about to get on that mechanical bull. You realize it’s quite possible to die from being over-dressed, albeit in a cute and fluffy cardigan.

So, what I’m trying to say is it’s nice to be living in SWEATA WEATHA.

You don’t like sweata weatha? Well, whateva.

As the weather begins to change, something else happens to me. (Don’t worry, I don’t turn into a werewolf. That only happens hormonally-speaking once a month.)

I get very cold here in little Rhode Island. And I have a tendency to repeat outfits. I’ll wear them over and over. Like CNN updates, I want to make sure everyone sees it.

I do this with my sweater cardigans. I have three that I’ve worn for the past five years.

I’ll often wear one, then repeat it again in another two days.

In case you may have missed me one day, well, I’ll most likely be wearing the same sweater I wore two days ago. Now, I wash my clothes. I take a shower every day. But I also get attached to certain items.

Like jeans.

I actually feel bad for my jeans.

When they start to fall off of me, not from losing weight, but from sheer over-use, you know it’s time for them to get tossed in the washer. Sometimes, I Fabreze them and toss them in the dryer, or at least spritz the crotch area. (A fun secret that I advise you to use should you find yourself in a laundering predicament.)

Have you ever run into someone you know twice in the same week, wearing the same thing?

Happens to me all the time.

Or you rotate and “shop your closet” and wear something you haven’t worn in three years?  Then wear it to a fun outing with friends. You’re all having a selfie celebration. Your friend posts a ton of photos online. Everything is awesome.

Until the next day. While in line at the local café, a Facebook memory pops up from three years ago.

And you realize you’re wearing the exact same sweata.

 

 

 

Speaking of Yoga Pants

21 Friday Oct 2016

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I’ve seen so many posts in response to the “Yoga Pants” letter to the editor that was published in this week’s Barrington Times. I have included a snapshot of it below in case you’re not familiar. After giggling and getting offended Wednesday evening, I decided maybe enough is enough. I’ll keep my voice down.

Then I realized, as a former journalist, I really need to give my take on the whole situation. And as a Barrington resident and mom, I owe it to moms in this town (and my daughter, for that matter) to share my opinion. In case you’re wondering, yes, I’m wearing yoga pants as I write this because I just worked out and played Uber-mom all morning. And I’m not 20 years old or pairing them with a blousy shirt either.yoga-pants-parade

But, seriously, I do have something I need to share.skinny

First of all, I believe the letter to the editor was rude. I believe it was obnoxious. A little sexist. And, surprisingly silly. It was, in my opinion, written from the perspective of someone who isn’t exactly on trend when it comes to fashion. I can’t remember the last time I even used the words “slacks” and “yoga pants” in the same sentence. After almost peeing in my not-so-skinny jeans at the absurdity of it all, I noticed a lot of people were posting on Facebook that they couldn’t believe that our local newspaper printed it in the first place.

Let me tell you a little something about hometown newspapers. They are required to print letters like this because it’s their journalistic duty. They receive piles of letters from local residents. About a lot of nutty things. I know because I worked as an assistant editor and columnist in Seattle, Washington, writing and editing multiple newspapers filled with articles and these types of letters every week. Before yoga pants were even a thing!

As a blogger, you get a chance to say what you want. But I’m not just a blogger. I’m also a former journalist and PR professional who respects journalistic integrity. Something that often gets lost in today’s sometimes seaweedy sea of social media.

I think The Barrington Times is not at fault for printing the letter. The Times, in my opinion, was standing by its journalistic integrity and printing every letter that comes through the door. The shock value comes in the contents of the letter and the fact that it comes from a man who in my opinion, is a little cranky and didn’t think before he wrote. Maybe he’s the type who also gets offended if whipper-snappers are walking on his property? Who knows.

We live in a small town.

We should almost feel a little grateful to be able to talk about something like this in our community and share our different views. (While wearing yoga pants! Or slacks!) And make national news! And to be able to plan an actual Yoga Pants Parade in response to it all? (To be held this Sunday at 2 p.m. by the way. ) I mean, that’s pretty awesome. Because if this is as bad as it gets, I see it as a sign that things aren’t really THAT bad. We have it pretty good in this community. And I’m sorry, but for that, I’m pretty grateful.

Walking Bed-Head

17 Monday Oct 2016

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How do you feel about skipping a day?

I’m talking about washing your hair.

I’m having one of those “Walking-Dead-bed-head-lordy-please-pull-the-hair-back-because-it’s-better-for-society” kind of days. And with the popularity of dry shampoo and other pillow-hair-prevention products, I’m trying to be fashionable. So I sprayed some dry shampoo on my unwashed hair this morning. Then puffed some powder. The result?

Nothing less than frightening. I could scare away Zombies.

I’m trying to support this hair care trend. But I fear I’m a little fashionably late. Like skinny white jeans, this is a trend I’m having a touimg_2474gh time embracing. (Which is why I posed this way. I’m trying to shake off the frustration.)

Do you ever skip a day? And if so, how many days can you get away with not washing your hair? You know, before it starts to get really noticeable? And greasy?

One of my best friends can go two, three, sometimes FOUR days on dry shampoo alone. And she still looks fabulous. It’s a gift, really.

She’s a brunette.

If you are a brunette like my friend, know that you are very lucky. You may still be upset that you had to be Kate Jackson’s character when you played Charlie’s Angels as a little girl. I get it. Just be glad you didn’t have to play Charlie. (I won’t go into my Dorothy Hammel hair-do drama stories right now.) But I will admit, as a dish-water blond as my mom calls it, my hair has a tendency to look like it’s fresh off a Bridget-Jones-convertible ride if I skip washing for one day, spritzed with Pam cooking spray if I skip two and a victim of a food fight if I go for three. (A hair trauma I’ve never had to experience, which I realize makes me a very poor candidate for Survivor. Unless they give out free shampoo samples along with rice.)

I also have a beautiful blond BFF who can go days without washing her hair and still look like she’s ready for a shampoo commercial.

I know. I need to give it time. Friends tell me dry shampoo is their saving grace. Let me tell you a little something about dry shampoo on me. 

It’s all good. For about an hour. Then dry shampoo makes my hair look… crispy. Not as stiff as that scene from There’s Something About Mary. But it’s pretty close. The issue I have is that when I skip a day, I actually LOOK like Kramer from Seinfeld when he decided to stop taking showers and took baths instead. Think pillow hair. With fly-aways.

I realize it’s good for your hair to skip a day or two of washing. But this doesn’t mean it’s good for EVERYONE. image-1

 

Presidential Pause: A non-toxic wish list before Election Day

11 Tuesday Oct 2016

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After a crappy argument with someone, you usually go for a walk, right? Maybe a jog? Talk to a friend? Or work things out?

Regardless, following the argument, you usually feel like a doggie doo-doo bag.

That’s how I think we’re all feeling following the presidential debate. I feel like we’re all suffering from a post-debate political hangover. And hamburgers and sleep just aren’t cutting the misogynist mustard.

And the realization that Election Day is looming isn’t making things any easier. After the presidential debate, I felt like I needed to go for a long warichard_dawsonlk.  To Canada. But it was late, so I ate some chocolate. (And some frosting off of a mini cupcake.) The next day, I definitely needed a second shower. And a media and social-media detox.

I think, perhaps, we all need a presidential pause.

Now I don’t think it’s polite to talk about politics at the dinner table. Consider this my native-and-nice-Texan-turned-Rhode-Island-resident way of helping to make the world a saner, less toxic place given everything we’re facing as a nation. A reason to smile again possibly? I’m not saying we shouldn’t take things seriously. I’m just needing a teensy break from it all.

Here is a non-toxic wish list we can all use before Election Day:

  1. I wish the presidential campaign could be treated like a reality show, where past candidates are still eligible for a chance at winning the top prize. You know, like America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway or The Biggest Loser? Some past candidates deserve a second chance.
  2. I wish Joanna and Chip Gaines, the adorable couple from Waco, Texas from the HGTV show, Fixer Upper, could fix up this whole mess we have going on. Maybe add some sideway subway tile or ship-lap, and renovate the heck out of what we have going on. Make this mess of a campaign look like an open-concept campaign with some genuine, restored integrity.
  3. I wish we could erase the past several weeks by pressing the RESTART button.
  4. I wish we could white board this whole thing. Bring on the snacks, flash cards, white board and intellectual conversation! I know a few senior executives (and 7th graders) who could make a much smarter plan.
  5. I wish we could look on the bright side for a moment. If there’s any indication of things looking UP, it’s that this is NOT a Zombie Apocalypse.
  6. Anything is better than a Zombie Apocalypse.
  7. And if there really were a Zombie Apocalypse coming, maybe it would explain Trump. Not just the unbearable behavior, the hair or unnatural skin tone, just him in general.
  8. I wish the Trumps and Clintons could go on Family Feud. Not to decide the election, but just for the sheer entertainment of it. With the original host from the 1970’s, Richard Dawson, co-hosting the final round. I would love to see how well Chelsea and Bill would do given 15 seconds on the clock.
  9. I wish we could just reflect for a moment and be happy that Joan Rivers is in a better place. As the former winner of The Apprentice, she would never put up with this crap.
  10. And finally, I wish I could see what’s happening in The Good Place right about now. Because I have a feeling Bernie Mac, R.I.P., Robin Williams, R.I.P., Gene Wilder, R.I.P. and some other very funny folks who passed away in recent years are holding a political comedy night in the clouds, giggling up a storm. The next time I hear thunder, I’ll know it’s Bernie Mac saying, “America, can you believe this?”.

 

 

 

On Chelsea Grammar

04 Tuesday Oct 2016

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One of my favorite snarky female comedians has a new late-night-styled show on Netflix that I often watch when I’m by myself. In my garage. Jogging on my treadmill. (And yes, I do realize that I said jogging. I don’t necessarily run fast like everyone else in my family. I like to jog. Or, as Ron Burgundy would pronounce it, “Yog”.)

Chelsea Handler has a new show on Netflix simply called, “Chelsea”. This show has so many inappropriate things in it, I hope my mom never reads this post. (Oh, crap. It may be too late.) What can I say, we all have our guilty pleasures. My favorite was watching Sex and the City while eating chocolate and drinking a beer after the kids go to bed. I have to admit, I still find myself glued to the re-runs while folding laundry. But I also tend to crave something fresh every now and then, especially when I’m trying to get my mind off the fact that I’m in my garage. On a treadmill. Yogging.

AP SUNDANCE CHELSEA HANDLER A FILE ENT USA UT

FILE – In this Jan. 22, 2016 file photo, Chelsea Handler poses for a portrait to promote the film, “Chelsea Does”, at the Toyota Mirai Music Lodge during the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah. Handler reveals her personal fears and biases in her new Netflix docu-series as she explores marriage, drugs, racism and technology. (Photo by Matt Sayles/Invision/AP, File) ORG XMIT: NYET423

I’m only human.

“Chelsea” is only 30 minutes with no commercial interruptions. Hello, candid Chelsea? And no interruptions? Yes, please. (Except when my daughter will surprise me by opening the garage door and I’ll turn it to something totally PG like Cake Boss.) supposedlynot-supposably

The host may be totally irreverent. I get that the show is not for everyone. But I like it. I once saw Chelsea live and I think she’s a character and as a female comedian, she has what I like to call lady b@lls.

Think of the show as a delicious treat for me to indulge in when my kids aren’t around. From Chelsea interviewing 93-year-olds about the presidential election to her dog Chunky walking around the set waiting for her to finish, I cackle out loud during most episodes. On my treadmill. In my garage. While jogging.

One time, I was caught off guard and almost fell off the machine while she was drinking wine and giggling with actress Drew Barrymore.

One part of the show called “Chelsea Grammar”, which features an SNL-styled intro by actor Kelsey Grammer and addresses Chelsea’s grammatical pet peeves, inspired me to mention some of my own here. As a former journalist turned public relations professional, I have a tendency to become a pill when it comes to grammar.  My kids will say something that’s not grammatically correct and I often have to hold myself back from correcting them on the spot. I’ve proofread many menus in my day too. I thankfully give myself a lot of freedom in this blog because it’s part of my voice. I don’t like to be all stuffy because that’s not who I am in person. But there are some things that make me cringe. Like certain things people say out loud that don’t make any sense.

Here are some examples that make me cringe:

  • When people say supposeably when they mean supposedly or suppose. Supposeably isn’t a word!
  • When people use the word “proper” at the end of a sentence when they mean to say “properly”. Example: “Do your job properly.”
  • Chelsea mentions this one and I totally agree: When folks say “So, anyways”.
    • ANYWAYS is not a word, people.
    • Anyway is a word. And even it gets misused a lot.
  • While we are on the subject, “alot” is not a word. It’s “a lot”.
  • When people say “Irregardless”.
    • I understand we all make mistakes. But it’s regardless, not irregardless.
    • Irregardless is not a word. Please just say Regardless. Yeah! I knew you could do it! Thank you!

I’m sure there are a lot more examples to add to this list. But I already feel better sharing these out loud. If many of these examples were used in a sentence, I could say: “I suppose I still have a lot to learn from Chelsea Handler and the dictionary. Regardless, I hope this inspires a lot of people to use these sayings properly anyway.”

And scene.