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Venting Sessions

~ where moms can let it out

Venting Sessions

Monthly Archives: June 2015

New Author? Don’t Give Up, But Don’t Believe Everything You See in the Movies

30 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by Jackie in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

ARIA, Ellen, fiction book, motherhood, new author advice, novel, so you want to write a book

Have you ever seen a movie and wondered, “Wow, I could SO do that too”?

The characters make fulfilling dreams look so easy.

I’m a self-proclaimed movie buff, but it really bothers me when a movie (even one inspired by a true story) makes something that can take YEARS for a regular person to accomplish look like a walk in the park.

Like writing a book and landing a publishing contract.

Hello, if you’re a new author, you know what I’m talking about.

I was watching one of my favorite kid friendly movies this winter, Cheaper by the Dozen, starring Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt, and the mom decides to randomly “send some pages” to her friend who happens to work for a big publisher. Five minutes later, she signs a dream book deal, launches a New York book tour and makes Kelly Rippa laugh in front of a live television audience. Five minutes after that, Oprah and her crew are on their way to her house. (Caricature provided by Pinterest.)

While watching the movie, my kids saw the look on my face and joked, “Wow mom, it’s that easy, isn’t it?”

I wanted to throw a tomato at the screen. But I just grinned and swallowed.

In reality, writing a book in THIS CENTURY, whether fiction or nonfiction, is not a walk in the park. Nor is getting published and getting noticed by respected print and online media, let alone celebrity talk show hosts. It’s actually more ficticious than anything I’ve seen. (Unless you’re a rock star like my blogger-turned-author friend Jill Smokler, aka Scary Mommy, but even she says she experienced some disappointments during her early book tours.) As a public relations professional and self-published author who has worked hard to promote my first self published gift book (How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker) and worked even harder to pitch and land a publishing deal for my subsequent books (coming this fall via Robyn Lane Books), I can tell you first hand that it doesn’t happen “just like that”. I think of writing, publishing and promoting a book as the equivalent of baby steps. Oh yes, What About Bob Baby Steps. (Another movie where the main character, played by Richard Dreyfuss, has a best-selling book and experiences celebrtity pr.) It’s so unfair! All I can say is writing and promoting definitely has its ups and downs, with some spit ups, hiccups and joyous jogging stroller ride-like-the-wind highs along the way.

New authors often spend years waddling around trying to promote their work, even if they’re backed by an agent or publisher.

When it comes to writing a book, there are many bumps in the road that leave even the most optimistic writer disappointed, feeling like they’re about to fall. I have found that many authors, even those represented by spectacularly supportive agents, are choosing to self publish because it gives them more freedom. I self-published my first book with CreateSpace and had a positive experience. But I am so excited to reliquish that duty to my new friends at Robyn Lane Books. 😉

I have a friend (I’ll call her Judy) who wrote a novel and was backed by a well respected agent and chose to self publish because she was tired of waiting so long for her agents to land a publishing deal. Judy was able to market her book on her own and sell it on Amazon. She is writing her second novel and her agent is shopping for a new book deal soon. I just finished Judy’s book and can tell she deserves to be interviewed by Ellen, but I haven’t seen her on the show just yet.

I have another friend (who I’ll call Ava) who was represented by two agents. It took her a long time to learn how to approach and land an agent. While her agents were busy trying to sell her first book, Ava decided to keep writing and self-publish not just one but five additional books in romance and young adult genres. She is one of the most dedicated writers and she says she has a hard time promoting herself. And she used to work in TV!

A little tidbit: As a new author, you have to walk a fine line when it comes to promoting yourself. You have to know when to just “be”. As a 44-year-old mother, I truly believe in connecting with people in an authentic way. Something that inspired me to audition for the Listen to Your Mother Show back in 2013 – and yes, I ended up becoming a cast member, and connecting with some amazing women. If it’s not authentic, what’s the point?

All I’m trying to say, (without breaking your dreams) is if you decide to write a book, go for it. But don’t think it’s going to be as easy as it appears in the movies. (Unless you’re already a celebrity.) 😉 It takes a lot of work. A lot of rejections. A lot of dedication. Discipline. Self-discovery. You’ll experience sweat, stress and cheers. Don’t quit your day job either. Even if you have 2,000-plus Twitter followers and a ton of likes on your page, it doesn’t mean Ellen is knocking on your door. Even if you’re dancing along with her in your family room.

Just keep writing. And keep believing. And one day, maybe, just maybe, Ellen might want to Tweet you!

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And then they graduate

18 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by Jackie in Uncategorized

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This week marks a crazy time for so many moms and dads.

Aside from the fact that we have to remember the 23 different end-of-school-year activities going on for each child.

And that it feels as if every parent in America needs to take four days off from their regularly scheduled working lives in order to fit in every event and activity (We do the best we can, right?!)…It’s kind of a bittersweet time.

A really bittersweet time for me.

Because the end of this school year means my littlest “graduates” elementary school.

And my biggest actually graduates middle school.

(As in there is an actual graduation ceremony with ironing and dress pants involved.)

Yes, that means my first born child is going to high school in the fall.

So if you run into me at Target or the grocery store, just know that although I may be smiling on the outside.

I am actually kind of a mess.

On the inside.

Think teary-eyed-mom-singing-to-Cats-in-the-Cradle-in-my-car kind of mess …on the inside.

I keep trying to hide it.

I’m a little verkempt (if this was an essay and I had a foot note section, this is where I would give credit to Saturday Night Live’s Cawfee Talk).

All week I bury myself in my to-do list. Lie to myself that I’m OK through emails. On the phone. And down a few spoonful or five of Nutella.

I’ve tried to jog it out.

Write it out.

Chat it out with mom friends.

I’m trying, in the most Talladega Nights way to “bury it deep down”. But as a mom, I can’t help but feel a temporary sense of bittersweet holy crap-ness.

That this is really happening.

This sh*t is real.

Kids really do grow up in a blink of an eye.

My husband found an old video of my son walking to the bus stop on his first day of kindergarten. That was nine years ago.

He played it for me at 6:45 a.m.  today – the day of my son’s 8th grade graduation.

This man, my loving husband, knows what he’s doing. He knew I would appreciate the video. And that it would send me into a tailspin of motherly emotion.

At a time when I’m at my most rattled and vulnerable.

A time when I’m still in complete denial.

As I watched the 20-second clip, (which I remember recording because I’m as usual behind the camera as we walked our little guy to the bus stop), I saw the version of my son I still see in my mind’s eye. He was so sweet and small, in his little kid-pre-teen voice and big-boy backpack. (I would post it, but if I did, my son would probably never speak to me again.)

My son watched the video with me this morning. And he knew I’d lose it.

But I tried to stay strong and hold it in.

Until he left for school on his bike.

Then I let the tears roll.

Yes, this week marks an important turning point.

For my kids.

For me and my husband.

And for so many parents.

Once again, and thankfully without diapers and potty training, we have NO IDEA WHAT WE ARE IN FOR as parents as we face the true teenage years.

It’s exciting.

And nerve-racking to think that our kids will put us through the same crap we put our parents through eons ago.

And yet we head into it with the highest of hopes.

Coach Taylor’s clear eyes.

And full hearts.

And a bundle of circle-of-life God-help-us-all naivety.

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Remember eleven?

11 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by Jackie in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

11, innocent age, motherhood, raising a girl, tween

As I watch my daughter reach this impressionable age,

A time when everything still seems happy-go-lucky, but your body (and life) starts to change.

It makes me reminisce….

About the time I was living in 11-year-old, carefree bliss.

When you were eleven, did you care what others thought?

Or just go about your day, all smiles, without a second thought?

Ride bikes to the candy store with your friends after softball?

Babysit, walk to school, go to the mall?

Always with your friends, always having a ball.

Climb trees, play house, host lemonade stands,

Make “totally awesome” and oh-so-innocent 11-year-old plans.

Take gymnastics,

Run to dance.

Every once in a while, you’d wonder if the boy in the parachute pants would ever give you a chance.

But boys were still kind of yucky.

And you were still a bit gawky.

And you had no idea nor did you care how others truly “saw” you.

You even had enough guts to dance that dance (by the Go-Go’s) in front of the whole school.

You smiled, giggled and lived life full out.

Your friends were the best and that’s all you cared about.

This was pre-peer pressure and low self-esteem.

You had no idea what was coming at 12, 13 or heavens-to-Betsy, FOURTEEN.

Why? Because you were eleven.

An age when life and your outlook on it was like a little piece of cotton-candy heaven. 🙂 – Jackie

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How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker Wins IndieReader Discovery Award!

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Jackie hosted a fun “wine and cheese” book signing at Books on the Square March 1!

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Books on the Square in Providence's Wayland Square

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