After a crappy argument with someone, you usually go for a walk, right? Maybe a jog? Talk to a friend? Or work things out?
Regardless, following the argument, you usually feel like a doggie doo-doo bag.
That’s how I think we’re all feeling following the presidential debate. I feel like we’re all suffering from a post-debate political hangover. And hamburgers and sleep just aren’t cutting the misogynist mustard.
And the realization that Election Day is looming isn’t making things any easier. After the presidential debate, I felt like I needed to go for a long walk. To Canada. But it was late, so I ate some chocolate. (And some frosting off of a mini cupcake.) The next day, I definitely needed a second shower. And a media and social-media detox.
I think, perhaps, we all need a presidential pause.
Now I don’t think it’s polite to talk about politics at the dinner table. Consider this my native-and-nice-Texan-turned-Rhode-Island-resident way of helping to make the world a saner, less toxic place given everything we’re facing as a nation. A reason to smile again possibly? I’m not saying we shouldn’t take things seriously. I’m just needing a teensy break from it all.
Here is a non-toxic wish list we can all use before Election Day:
- I wish the presidential campaign could be treated like a reality show, where past candidates are still eligible for a chance at winning the top prize. You know, like America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway or The Biggest Loser? Some past candidates deserve a second chance.
- I wish Joanna and Chip Gaines, the adorable couple from Waco, Texas from the HGTV show, Fixer Upper, could fix up this whole mess we have going on. Maybe add some sideway subway tile or ship-lap, and renovate the heck out of what we have going on. Make this mess of a campaign look like an open-concept campaign with some genuine, restored integrity.
- I wish we could erase the past several weeks by pressing the RESTART button.
- I wish we could white board this whole thing. Bring on the snacks, flash cards, white board and intellectual conversation! I know a few senior executives (and 7th graders) who could make a much smarter plan.
- I wish we could look on the bright side for a moment. If there’s any indication of things looking UP, it’s that this is NOT a Zombie Apocalypse.
- Anything is better than a Zombie Apocalypse.
- And if there really were a Zombie Apocalypse coming, maybe it would explain Trump. Not just the unbearable behavior, the hair or unnatural skin tone, just him in general.
- I wish the Trumps and Clintons could go on Family Feud. Not to decide the election, but just for the sheer entertainment of it. With the original host from the 1970’s, Richard Dawson, co-hosting the final round. I would love to see how well Chelsea and Bill would do given 15 seconds on the clock.
- I wish we could just reflect for a moment and be happy that Joan Rivers is in a better place. As the former winner of The Apprentice, she would never put up with this crap.
- And finally, I wish I could see what’s happening in The Good Place right about now. Because I have a feeling Bernie Mac, R.I.P., Robin Williams, R.I.P., Gene Wilder, R.I.P. and some other very funny folks who passed away in recent years are holding a political comedy night in the clouds, giggling up a storm. The next time I hear thunder, I’ll know it’s Bernie Mac saying, “America, can you believe this?”.