Monthly Archives: October 2013

Have You Ever Been Ghosted?

25 Friday Oct 2013

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Have you ever been GHOSTED?

I’m not talking about watching Friday the 13th or Demi Moore in GHOST. My definition of “being ghosted”: (v) When someone rings your doorbell anonymously (think G-rated “ding-dong-ditch”) a few days before Halloween and leaves a small bag of goodies and a ghostly poem at your door.

A paper ghost on a front door means people are getting ghosted. AND YOU MAY BE NEXT!

We started this Halloween-time tradition 11 years ago when we first moved to the neighborhood. My sister-in-law and her family ghosted us one night (they got us so good, I nearly wet my pregnancy pants) and we haven’t stopped since. It’s something my kids look forward to every October. We make a night of it, running around with flashlights, goodie bags, ringing doorbells and hiding. We hide behind our neighbors’ trees and there’s always tons of giggling.

If you haven’t been “ghosted” yet, plan to ghost someone this weekend! It’s easy, inexpensive and so much fun for the whole family. But hurry, because you HAVE to do it before Halloween!

How to start a GHOSTING tradition in your neighborhood:

1. Make two copies of this “Ghostly” poem. Link: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 You’ve Been Ghosted!

During the night, we left you a treat.

This Halloween tradition is fun, and one we hope you’ll repeat…..

Feel free to download the poem at the orange link above! Or create your own!

You’ve Been Ghosted!

2. Gather some inexpensive goodies and treats – from play dough and pencils to crayons and candy. Target, CVS or the Dollar Store has great cheap stuff in bulk for fun goodie bags. Plastic army guys and spider rings are always a favorite for us.

3. Fill two ghostly goodie bags with treats and copies of the poem and ghost picture and hide them somewhere safe.

4. Choose at least two neighbors to “Ghost” that do NOT have a ghost taped to their door. (Important: This means they have already been ghosted!)

5. Wait until it’s dark outside and walk through your neighborhood. Be careful of cars and USE A FLASHLIGHT, please. “Whatevs. mom.” Leave the ghostly goodie bag on your neighbor’s doorstep. (Double check that the poem and ghost picture are safely tucked inside.)

6. Then get ready to hide! Make a run for it (safely please) so no one sees you!

7. Rinse and repeat for the next neighbor.

To lots of giggles, good ghostings and a Happy Halloween! – XO – Jackie

You know you need a juice fast when…

21 Monday Oct 2013

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You KNOW you need a juice fast when…fresh-fruit-vegetable-juice

  • You polish off all the Halloween candy.. a week before Halloween.
  • You’re among the few who caved in and ate a piece of toast after being on the Atkins diet for five hours. (True story, I raise my hand in total shame.)
  • After jogging, rather than cooling down, you join your nine-year-old to a few spoonfuls of Nutella for….protein.
  • You eat your veggies, followed by a piece of dark chocolate. And then a cup of hot chocolate.
  • You eat dessert after every meal. Including brunch.
  • After a tough Pilates workout, you eat everything in your refrigerator that hasn’t expired.
  • You say yes to Garlic mashed potatoes for your side dish every time, without even flinching.
  • You equate a large salad on Monday to your veggie intake for the rest of the week.

In all seriousness, fruit juice fasts aren’t for everyone. Check out my latest AskMom column at OnlineRI.com to see if they’re right for you! Seven Truths About Juice Fasts: https://onlineri.com/articles/ask_mom

On Granny Panties

14 Monday Oct 2013

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This is an oldie, but I HAD to re-post it for anyone who didn’t catch it the first time around!

At what point did I let Granny panties pass as everyday panties? Granny panties, period panties, Nana panties. Call them what you want, but I know you know what I’m talking about. I realize many of you wear adorable matching panties and bras every day of the week and probably can’t believe I’m writing about this. Eff-it, I’m in my 40’s. Deal with it. For the moms who have given up on looking cute underneath it all, I know I’m not alone. You reach a point as a mother where you just say, it is what it is. “I’ve taken a shower, I’ve sprayed my outfit with Fabreze. This pair of panties from the clean clothes pile will have to do.” Now, I believe in working out and staying in shape (aside from good health, I work out so I can eat more and make room for my kids’ leftovers). I also promise myself to take a shower every day. But when it comes to unattractive and mismatched undergarments, I take the cake more than I care to admit. I do try. I have bought some expensive matching under-outfits through the years. I wash them and wear them here and there. But some of the prettiest bras stay tucked neatly inside my drawer for months on end, never to be paired with panties that at least fall in the same color family. I loathe going to that bra store in the mall where there are skinny 20-somethings donning Triple D matching bras and tanks searching the display drawers for the perfect thong. For some reason, they are almost always with their boyfriends and five girlfriends. They are all searching for thongs. Honey, let me tell you and your five girlfriends something. I haven’t worn a thong in 11 years. I’ve tried. But if you dare make me laugh or ask me to jump up and down while I have one on, don’t think I won’t drive home and slap on a pair of mismatched granny panties just so I can feel more comfortable.

You reach a certain point when you become a mother where something has to give. Every Monday, my bra and panties match. Sometimes on Tuesdays too. But by Thursday afternoon, I’m sporting a look underneath it all that makes Tootsie look sexy.

This is an old article about what your panty style says about you, and yes, Granny panties are in here.

You know it’s going to be one of “those” days when….

08 Tuesday Oct 2013

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Have you ever had one of “those” days? No matter how hard you try, nothing goes your way? You KNOW you can turn it around, and things can only get better. But for the moment, you need to just sink into the poop pile and let it settle before having a panic attack?

I woke up yesterday and accomplished so much, I felt on top of the world. I even fit in an early morning jog with my dog followed by a shower, brunch with friends, meetings and conference calls. But today. Today was an entirely different story. Let’s just let the following list tell the story, shall we?

You know it’s going to be one of “those” days when:

–        Your alarm clock goes off, and you forget to hit snooze.

–        You have “mommy” insomnia and slept a whole 3 hours, so you’re BEYOND salvaging the day with a smile, hot tea and Tylenol.

–         You look in the mirror and don’t recognize the crazy lady looking back at you.

–        Your son forgets his water bottle and he has a cross country meet after school.

–        You forget to wash your hair. And it shows.

–        You forget to shower. And you realize that people in the check-out line at the grocery store could TOTALLY smell tell.

–        You can feel a pimple forming in between your eyes. And it not only looks nasty, it hurts.

–        Fabrez-ing your favorite pants isn’t going to cut it another week, so you throw in a wash with ALL of your pants. They all need to be air dried, so you essentially have nothing else to wear except an old pair that don’t fit in the crotch any more.

–        While donning your least favorite outfit, topped with pillow hair, blood-shot eyes and a stain on your shirt, you run into the best-dressed mom in town. And once again, she gives you that “look” that you’re pretty sure could kill a rodent.

–        Your new laptop that’s a whole 80 hours old appears to die in your arms after accidentally falling for a “restore your PC” prompt, and the man from Toshiba’s customer service line says it cannot be saved. So you try not to take your hormone-induced anger out on him even though you do it anyway.

–        Your friend and IT consultant saves the day and your laptop, so all is well, except you totally missed a workout, and hours of work, so now you feel bloated and unproductive.

–        You catch up on work and thank God you were able to salvage all your files, but glancing at the clock you realize the kids will be home in approximately 12 minutes. Son of a …..

–        You call it a day and pray you don’t burn dinner.

 

 

Do you secretly LIKE some of the stuff your kids watch?

04 Friday Oct 2013

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Admit it. You’re beginning to LIKE some of the stuff your kids watch. You have no choice sometimes, right?

You may find this hard to believe, but my youngest child never watched TV until he was almost two years old.

Yes, we tried to create a perfect, TV-free baby that never ate sweets. Now, we knew deep down, that we were full of cow poo. Our hopes and dreams were a little far-fetched. I mean, we all need a little entertainment in life, right? Our unrealistic parenting ideals changed the day his sweet, Pixar-loving uncle gave him a brand new DVD of Monsters Inc. I’m talking about the 2002 version, people. Old school Pixar. (We didn’t even have a DVD machine, and had to play it on our computer! The horror!) 😉 He watched the bright digital “moving picture” and wanted more. MORE! “Again, mommy, again!” That single DVD was like crack to my little man. He watched that *(&(*^&*^*&^ movie AGAIN and AGAIN. And he was hooked on good movies forever. (And so were we.) Well, GOOD movies and shows. My family now giggles at ME while I watch Chicken Little as I’m literally cackling out loud (and doing a little dance). I do the same thing when I watch The Incredibles. (And for the record, I’ve been waiting more than 10 years for the sequel.)

Now, I can’t stand some of the TV shows they watch. And yes, they do other things. But at least family movie time is something I look forward to!

Does Your Child Remind You of Someone?

01 Tuesday Oct 2013

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The older you get, the more you realize your kids become more and more ….like you.

When you start to discover tiny hints of hereditary idiosyncrasies, it’s almost scary.

It’s as if all of your best and worst traits are folded into parts of your child’s personality.

Your kids are individuals, yes, but they are also a lot like you.

A little “five minutes late for everything except for work/school” here.

A little “I have to finish doing this perfectly or else I will not be in a good mood for the next few hours and you will be sorry” there.

Like some kind of miraculous joke, as they get older, we start seeing more of us in our children every day.

So, in case you forget any of your quirks, there’s no need to look in the mirror.

Just look at your kids.

Looks are one thing. But when you mix those similarities with personality traits, it’s pretty funny to see.

My daughter has brown hair, brown eyes, a dry sense of humor and can run like the wind.

My husband has brown hair, brown eyes, a dry sense of humor and can run like the wind too (when he’s not suffering from a running injury).

I often call S his mini-me, because she’s so much like him.

My son C has blond hair, blue eyes, and loves to write. And he also has a tendency to procrastinate about the not-so-fun-stuff he has on his to-do list.

I have (dish-water blond, but yes, blond hair with a little help from my hair stylist, Patrick), blue eyes, and love to write. And…ok, so it’s taken me 18 years to realize that I need to stop procrastinating about the things I have to do.

My son has my hands. My daughter has my husband’s feet.

When my daughter came home from a play date recently, grumpy from over-doing it, my husband says, “She reminds me of someone who gets cranky when she has too much on her plate.”

“I don’t get like that!”

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

I say this after writing, carpooling, doing the laundry, dishes, vacuuming, tweeting, running errands, making dinner and squeezing in a conference call.

But she looks nothing like me, right?

Image

My daughter and I sat at the breakfast table recently in total disagreement about something so insignificant, I can’t even remember what it was.

But we sat and stared each other down because we thought we were each right.

The stubbornness stuck to the air like scrambled egg on a frying pan.

Splash water on it…still nothing.

But give it some time, and things start to budge.

After 27 and a half minutes, we ended up talking over one another, and eventually apologized, giggled and hugged it out from the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

(For the record, I gave in first because I didn’t want her to be late for school.) 😉