Don’t you love summer? The lazy mornings. Sand in the sheets. Shell collections throughout the house. There are a million things I love to do with my kids in the summer. From being buried in the sand to riding to Starbucks in our PJs (so our dog can get a free cup of whipped cream). We go to the park, diner, ice cream shop, beach, pool, gift shop, movies, library and even the museum. We do so much together, I’ve often been called the FUN FACTORY. And I love it. Except when I’m on deadline and have five loads of laundry, dog hair everywhere and a ton of conference calls. Then I get frazzled. And I refer to myself as the EFF-IN SUMMER FUN FACTORY. And I turn on the TV to help take a load off. And then the mommy guilt sets in. If one of my children dares to spew out the words, “I’m bored” (especially after hours at the beach) don’t even try me. I will get cranky.  And if you know what’s good for you, don’t EVER ask me to weigh myself during this time of year either. During the summer, if I dare to skip just two days of exercising, what I’ve eaten over that 48-hour period is somehow planted on my hips, butt and bloated belly. Oh, I may jog with my dog and keep up with the Pilates planking. I may eat my veggies every day. But mark my words, I will retain every frozen lemonade, cherry Popsicle and lobster roll that I indulge in until September 2.

Because I get how busy moms are in the summer, I’m extending the deadline for MOMMY INSANITY STORIES & DESSERT RECIPES to August 31! Remember, your story or dessert recipe could be in my next book! Please contact me today at jackie@ventingsessions.com! https://ventingsessions.com/2012/06/05/sanity-by-chocolate/

Do you try to do too much every day? No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop yourself from doing one more thing? Washing another dish? Folding another pillow case? Answering another email? Cramming in another conference call? Do you tire yourself out and then snap at everyone? Do you volunteer for too many things and then find yourself overwhelmed? Is the word “No” not part of your everyday vocabulary? Girl, you are sorta, kinda…a mommy martyr and it sounds like you need some mommy martyr re-hab. (Or a night out with the girls!) I’ve tried to create more of a balance in my life lately, but I still have my days. There are times when I have three minutes to spare to pick up my kids from practices or playdates, but for some reason, I run late. All because I’m trying to cram in one more thing. I have a neighbor who admits you can count on her to be EXACTLY five minutes late for everything. Why do we do this to ourselves?  What goes on inside our heads? We’re moms, not martyrs!

I had about 10 bags worth of groceries stuffed into a tiny hand-held cart the other day. I swear it weighed 45 pounds. You’d think I would have grabbed a shopping cart with wheels. A young cashier even asked me if I wanted a big cart and I STILL said, “No, thank you!”  (As my 40-something back started to ache.) As if I had something to prove to a 17-year-old grocery store employee who calls me “Ma’am”! It didn’t dawn on me until I was in my driveway that I was TOTALLY acting like a mommy martyr. Quick sidebar and mommy martyr justification: My kids weren’t with me, so I actually got more shopping done in that 12-minute span than I would have in an hour WITH kids.

Are you sorta, kinda…a mommy martyr too? Let it out, moms!

You know that your babies aren’t babies anymore. But there’s nothing like staying in a state of mommy denial. (Or daddy denial for all those wonderful fathers out there who celebrated Father’s Day yesterday! Happy Belated Father’s day!) At least for a little while. Like a distant relative used to say (who saw me and my brother once every two years), “They’re growing like weeds!” My two kids honestly are growing like weeds. There, I said it. But they’re still my babies. I see that they’re growing up. I know they’re big. They are 11 and 8, not 2 and 5. I don’t treat them like babies. I get that they are saying things I used to say to my parents (in a way that’s a lot cooler than my 1980s Texas Valley girl slang, thankfully). But I still can’t believe it.  Over the past few weeks, with all their end of school year events & activities, I’ve managed to stay in a perpetual state of mommy denial. And recently, as I unintentionally fried my forehead sitting through my son’s 5th grade end of year celebration, it hit me. Slathering on some sunscreen a few hours too late, I realized to myself, “This is really happening.” My son is actually heading into the 6th grade. I started to tear up a little. I remember 6th grade. It can’t be. He is not a baby anymore. I’m outwardly happy that he’s excited to go to junior high. That he sings along to Flo Rida the way I listened to Madonna when I was 11. (And last week.) But inside, I’m a mess. A wreck. It comes on at the most random times too. I was fixing a peanut butter sandwich the other morning when my son casually reminded me that he was heading to a field trip at the Middle School. The Middle School – where he’ll be going to school at the end of August! “Oh,” I heard myself say. And then, before I could finish cutting my whole grain masterpiece into two triangular wedges, it hit me again. My baby boy is growing up. I dropped the butter knife and sat on the tile. I was embarrassing myself, sitting there all emotional, like ….like Mrs. Cunningham in Happy Days. As I sat, wiping my tears with a totally-on-sale-at-Target-and-not-name-brand-or-soft-in-the-least paper towel, my husband turned to my son and said, “If you know what’s good for you, you better go hug your mom right now.” I embraced my 11-year-old for a few seconds, looked into his eyes and apologized for losing it. Then I started laughing. We all started giggling. I went into the bathroom, blew my nose (with a totally awesome soft tissue that I did NOT buy on sale), washed my hands, and walked back into the kitchen like everything was hunky dory. At least for a little while. Inside, I was still asking: What the heck happened? When did my baby boy become a tween? And when, for the love of Joanie Loves Chachi, did I start crying like Mrs. C?

I’m so thankful that my husband and I no longer have to spend vacations in random airports hoping and praying we land on time in the right city with the right luggage without missing connections because of bad weather. Let’s just say we had our fair share of issues in the frequent flyer department when our son was little. The “red eye” can kiss my behind and so can eight-hour flights with three stops with a baby that gets random bouts of motion sickness during take-off and landing. In honor of those times, we recently popped on a movie that really hits home for anyone traveling – Planes, Trains and Automobiles. You know, the one with Steve Martin and John Candy? I will let this TRAILER speak for itself.

I managed to polish off yet another jar of dark chocolate covered almonds today. It took a few days, but I did it. In my mind, it’s all good. It wasn’t a candy bar. Or a Ho Ho. Or a piece of Death by Chocolate Cake (that stuff is better than ….ya know). Well, maybe not, but, it IS pretty amazing. OK, so I admit it. I’m a chocoholic. When it’s not in my pantry, I tend to get a little desperate. I may head for brownie mix, dry Ovaltine flakes or even unsweetened baking chocolate to get my fix. Some people have their issues. I’m addicted to chocolate. Sue me. At least I eat healthy otherwise. I exercise at least four times a week too. But if I don’t have chocolate every day, you honestly don’t want to be around me. Nor do you even want to have a phone conversation with me. I get a little, how do I put this nicely? Cranky. I once tried to go cold turkey. Eight hours later, my daughter found me sitting in the pantry shoveling down stale crumbs from an old bag of chocolate chips. It wasn’t pretty. So this is where you come in. No worries, I’m NOT asking you to supply my pantry with a week’s worth of chocolate, I promise. I’m not THAT desperate. (It could actually be dangerous.) But I would love it if you could share your favorite dessert recipe for my next book. I’m writing another book with more mommy whines and recipes! To help spread MORE sanity to moms! And the recipes I’m featuring will be DESSERTS! If you have a dessert recipe you’d like to share, one that you like to indulge in when you get together with the girls, please email me today at jackie@ventingsessions.com. It does NOT have to have chocolate in the ingredients. But it does have to be sweet. It could be healthy too! Please make sure to put Mommy Desserts in the Subject. Send in your recipe & it could be chosen for my next book! And you could win a signed copy of my book, How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker. Please enter your recipe soon! And please include your name, home town and email address. If you wish to remain anonymous, please indicate that in your email. Deadline for dessert recipe entries: July 10 at 5 p.m.
I’m still accepting mommy story entries for my book. And because I’m a sucker for moms with busy schedules, I’m extending the deadline for “Mommy Insanity” entries to June 18! Remember, YOUR story could be featured in my next book! Send your entry to jackie@ventingsessions.com. Please include MOMMY INSANITY in the subject line. No entries over 1,000 words. (The shorter, the wittier, the better.) Think back to an experience that you’ll NEVER forget. Something that makes you laugh today. Something that can help other moms feel a little less insane. Please make sure to include your name, home town and email address. Thank you! And as a special thank you, I’d like to re-post one of my favorite SNL skits celebrating chocolate with Tina Fey: The Brownie Husband. https://ventingsessions.com/2012/03/05/the-brownie-man-can/