I beg you to give this some thought.
Could you be turning into a High-Maintenance Sally?
Do you often find yourself, due to dietary restrictions, ordering things ON THE SIDE?
The older I get, the more I realize, to my utter dismay, I may be turning into High-Maintenance Sally.
If you’ve ever seen the movie, When Harry Met Sally, you know what I’m talking about.
There is a scene when Harry Burns, (played by Billy Crystal), says to Sally Albright, (played by Meg Ryan), “There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.”
Sally replies, “Which one am I?”
“You’re the worst kind; you’re high maintenance but you think you’re low maintenance.”
“I don’t see that.”
“You don’t see that? Waiter, I’ll begin with a house salad, but I don’t want the regular dressing. I’ll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. “On the side” is a very big thing for you.”
“Well, I just want it the way I want it.”
“I know; high maintenance.”
The older I get, the more I realize I’m starting to become high maintenance.
Maybe just a little.
I’m not trying to be a total pain in the rear.
I blame age. I just often find I need things a certain way, or the poop hits the fan.
For example, I used to be fine with no-name-brand detergent.
Not I get a rash.
I used to be fine with no conditioner. (OK, if you’ve seen my high school portrait, I guess I really couldn’t get away with it – I just THOUGHT I could!)
I used to wake up, take a shower, get on my ten speed and go about my day. Three Rave perms a year, and I was set. I could eat ANYTHING on the menu and not worry about a thing.
Even in college, I’d go for a run, take a shower, slap on my jeans shorts and boom, I was set. I could let my hair air dry in the sun and never worry about a thing.
But after two kids and 19 years of marriage, things have started to change.
I NEED a hair dryer.
I get a headache if I order the wrong salad dressing.
I feel nauseous if I eat shellfish.
I skip conditioner for one day and I look like the lead singer of Quiet Riot.
You know you’re becoming High-Maintenance Sally when:
- You order things ON THE SIDE because you know you’ll end up spending half the day in bed if you don’t.
- You try to drink a different beer than your “usual” and you end up with a hangover that lasts for days.
- Boxed wine makes you gag.
- Just the mention of the words, “Lemon shot” makes you cringe and want to run to the toilet.
- You snack on ONE granola bar that happens to have artificial sweetener in it and you get a gnarly migraine.
- You can’t pluck your eyebrows because they’re too thick and you can’t get them waxed because it causes an allergic reaction that makes you feel like the Elephant Man.
- You have to drive 20 minutes out of the way, a few times a month, to get your eyebrows professionally THREADED.
- Wearing cheap earrings actually does cause an ear infection.
- You HAVE to get your hair colored professionally every 6 to 8 weeks or you look like a Golden Girl.
- You buy a pair of jeans from the sales rack and the rear splits in half after one wash.
- You try a new brand of yogurt, just for poops and giggles, and you end up sitting on the potty, not laughing… for
- I’m really ashamed about this one: You get a horrible headache from the off-brand candle your daughter bought for you from her school store, so you secretly switch it out for a different scent that you can tolerate.
- You get a rash from off-brand cosmetics.
- You can’t skip a shower or else you look like Kramer during his bath binge.
- You convince yourself you need a pair of boots for the rain, another for the snow, another for girls’ nights, another for carpooling and two more because you can’t just have them in black!