When you become a mom, you think about your kids. Your husband. Your dog. Your house. Your neighbors. Your friends.

You think about everyone else. EVERYONE BUT YOU. This is thoughtful and giving. But over time? This leads to crankiness. (Cranky mom + cranky kids + cranky husband = unhappy mommy.)

It’s OK to set aside some time for you. It’s healthy. And it leads to a more balanced life and…TOTAL MOMMY SANITY. Yeah!!! Check out my top 10 tips to help you find more ME time in my latest AskMom OnlineRI.com column here.

And how cute is this mommy graphic?? (From one of the first sketches in my book, How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker – available now in color!)

I hear my phone.

Then there’s blurred lines.

Not Robin Thicke’s, but digits. Is that a six? A zero? Maybe a nine?

I grab my glasses from the night stand.

6:20 a.m.

“What the…?” I whisper to myself.

I’m so not getting up yet.  I hit SNOOZE. And fall back to sleep…with my glasses on.

I was supposed to be on a 30-minute jog with my dog by now.

But I hit SNOOZE …a few times.

Holy Shnikies! It’s 6:57 a.m.!!!!!!!

That’s right – the kids have school today!

Wait…THE KIDS HAVE SCHOOL!!!

For the love of Jay Z, the kids have school!

Son of a…Wooooooooopppp, THE KIDS ARE BACK AT SCHOOL!

I run down the hall in my PJs and wake up both kids. My son has slits for eyes, and he yawns that total denial of “OK, mom, I’m up. I’m up.”

I turn on the light and close his door.

My daughter is already awake, making her bed.

I run downstairs and get their lunches ready. My husband promised them cheesy eggs on the first day.

Breakfast? Check.

Lunches? Check.

Backpacks? Check.

Kids dressed themselves? Check.

I snap their picture. My cuties are all set. And I am too, I think.

This glorious day has finally arrived. I took time off from work over the summer, which as any mother knows, means nothing. You never stop working when you’re a mom. I adore my kids, but to be frank, I’ve been playing Julie McCoy all summer. From playdates to pool days, sleep unders to day trips, to Fro Yo and Pink Berry and back, I’m a little….drained.

So, although I enjoyed the summer…

I’ve been secretly counting down the days until school is back in session.

Down to the minute actually.

But for some reason, looking at them at breakfast this morning, I found myself at a loss for words.

My cuties aren’t 4 and 7 anymore. No, no, no.

They are now in the 4^th and 7^th grade.

So I swallowed hard, and snapped their picture.

Then right there, in the middle of the kitchen, it hits me.

MY BABIES! They are almost ready for college!

Before I can reach for the blueberries, I feel a lump in my throat.

My husband looks at me and I know he knows I know what’s about to happen.

He warns them, with his usual spoonful of sarcasm. “Kids, I think mom is about to have a breakdown.”

“What, Dad?”

“She just realized you guys aren’t babies anymore!”

And right there, in my PJs and glasses, the tears start flowing and I plop my face on the counter.

The next thing I know, he snaps this picture of me.

And, here you have it, proof of my back to school break down.

 

How’s your summer going? I’ve been enjoying the time off with my kids. It’s been a fun and busy break. But……. now it’s August. And…well… I’m secretly relishing the day they go back to school. There, I said it. (School starts in 18 days. Approximately 17 hours. And three minutes. But who’s keeping track?!) I have my reasons for looking forward to the fall. There are so many to choose from. Let’s just say my role of pseudo summer entertainment director is growing pretty “meh” fast.

Oh yes, as mothers, we ARE fun factories, especially in the summer. After the vacations are over, we often “manufacture” fun for our kids. From playdates to pool meet-ups, summer camps to sleep unders, every day we are our kids’ go-to summer planning machines. And one thing I’ve realized since having kids? There are no summer breaks for moms. No. There’s no “recess” for mommy.

I try to take mini power-breaks here and there to help maintain a level of mommy sanity. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, when I try to sneak outside to read by myself or downstairs to watch a really therapeutic show on Netflix (like, say, Gossip Girl), 9 times out of 10, my kids find me. I could be in the basement, hiding in my daughter’s play kitchen under an afghan with my iPad placed on top of the plastic countertop, and they find me. Just as I’m sneaking in a spoonful of Nutella and waiting to see what Blair said to Serena, my daughter finds me and the next thing I know, they’ve stolen my blanket, turned off my show and I’m playing Adventure Time Monopoly. Although I enjoy playing board games with my kids, on this particular evening I had reached my “mommy wall” and I honestly needed Calgon to take me away. I was apparently playing the role of Finn, on the brink of going bankrupt because my son had monopolized the board and I was the banker!

Plus my toes and heels have been crying for a back-to-school pedicure and I’ve “treated myself” to ice cream so often over the past two months, I have to “hold it in” just to zip up my shorts.

I’ve been missing a lot of workouts too. I don’t really see that much of a difference in my weight in the summer until I see myself in vacation pictures. I gasp. And cringe. Because I think I had a lobster roll just about every other day for 30 days at the beginning of the summer. And pizza on the others.

If you want to learn easy ways to gain weight in the summer months, following are some of my own personal tips that will have you bloated in no time:

–        When making grilled cheese sandwiches, cut the pieces into mini triangular and rectangular wedges. Leave the excess buttery edges for yourself and snack on them before serving lunch to the kids. Make sure there is plenty of deli American cheese and butter on the edges to ensure your jean size goes up as soon as the temperature hits 60.

–        When fixing Annie’s Macaroni and Cheese for your kids, don’t skimp on the butter or milk. Mix the dry powdery cheese mix in as best you can, but leave an extra layer of the stuff in the pan so it’s caked on and the only way to get if off is by scraping it with a spatula and shoveling the leftovers directly into your mouth.

–        Eat anything over the kitchen sink while making dinner and/or waiting for water to boil.

–        Add some butter to the stump of your child’s muffin and waa laa, you’ll add a pound.

–        Make yourself a “fisher mom’s” taco by scraping leftover salmon or halibut from your kids’ plates, sprinkle some cheddar cheese on top, add some hot sauce to taste and roll it into a tortilla. The same goes for beef, veggies or chicken!

–        Order pizza at least once a week. Order a Greek salad for yourself, but eat only the olives, salad dressing, cucumbers and feta cheese pieces. Then go ahead and have the biggest slice of pizza (or two) because you know you want it!

–        Treat yourself to an ice cream cone every time your kids have one. You’ll be amazed at the results.

–        And last but not least, any time you see a lemonade stand, or Del’s frozen lemonade truck, buy a cup and drink it up. You’ll be packing on the water weight in no time!