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Venting Sessions

~ where moms can let it out

Venting Sessions

Tag Archives: 40’s

Ode to Unwanted Facial Hair

02 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by Jackie in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

40's, facial hair, mid-life chin hair, motherhood, unwanted chin hair, unwanted hair

 

FAMILY-MAIN

 

Dealing with unwanted facial hair makes you wonder if Lucy was onto something! – Image from I Love Lucy, the original TV series.

 

As the sun flashed through the windshield, it lit up every hair on my son’s 15-year-old face.

His chin. Even the fuzzy blond ones above his top lip.

I smiled, drove on, and didn’t really think about it.

Until we came to a stop light, and I caught another glance…

And realized what was staring back at me was something so familiar, my denial didn’t stand a chance.

I had no choice but to do the unthinkable, and turn the rear-view mirror ever so slightly toward me.

Holy.

Son-of-a.

OMG.

It can’t be.

Is that a teenage boy’s facial hair staring back at me?

As the sun exposed every one of my unwanted facial hairs.

From the invisible ones above my lip to the stubborn, long ones that shoot from the middle of my brows.

For every hair he had not shaved, I had one just like it times three,

Praying to be plucked and set free.

“Dang,” I thought, driving that day.

Wondering why the sun has to highlight every unwanted hair as plain as day.

Since turning 45, regardless of how much I thread, tweeze or pluck,

The hairs on my face seem to grow as quick as f**.

Forget about fancy waxes, tools or creams, it’s too late now.

My facial hair isn’t just “hair” anymore.

It’s stiffer, stronger and has a mind of its own.

Just when I think it’s taken care of, another five more grow.

It takes a professional village to keep these hairs at bay.

And just when I think I’m in the clear, a long, salt-n-peppa one comes my way.

Forget about the hairs on my chin, for it grows weekly,

Sometimes daily,

And has the ability to sprout overnight.

Showing up, unannounced, in the blinding sunlight.

Just in time for a big event.

And often accompanied by a painful (and bumpy) adult zit.

Something I had professionally threaded last week, seems to reappear after only a matter of days.

The one I can’t seem to figure out is the single, grey-ish, course one that randomly buds on the side of my face.

Oh unwanted facial hair, unwanted facial hair, what is it with thee?

I have you threaded, tweezed even plucked off, but you come back with a vengeance and it hasn’t even been a week.

Oh effing unwanted facial hair,

Nagging, effing unwanted facial hair.

You can suck the age spot forming on my left cheek.

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You know you’re struggling to get back into running when…

12 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by Jackie in Mommy Musings, Uncategorized

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

1980's, 40's, Flash Dance, Jackie, jogging, mommy sanity, mother, pee a little, Pilates, running

I see many moms and dads running around my neighborhood. It’s very inspiring as I begin, very gradually, to train for a 5K in April with some great gals. It’s a 5K race that’s close to my heart, in support of a dear friend who works for an amazing organization called Day One. I’m thrilled to participate in the 5K. But I hope, for the love of Sarah Jessica Parker’s new stationary collection (yes, she has a new line of cute cards and notepads at Hallmark and Paper Store and it’s adorable), that I can get in shape by race day! Getting back into running is so bizarre for me. I used to run a lot, participated in a couple triathlons a few years ago and even worked as the PR and Communications Manager for Brooks Sports (running company) when I lived in Seattle. I loved that job so much – I could run nearby trails during my lunch hour. The good news is I’ve been trying to maintain a girlie figure by walking and doing Pilates. But I have taken a long break from running. As I try to get back into it to support my friend and her cause, I’ve been pondering a few things. (Some things you might relate to.)

2014-03-08 09.05.17

This is me after a training session at the track with the girls recently.

You know you’re struggling to get back into running when:

1)      You realize your body is not the same as it was when you were in your 20s. (When you could go for a six-mile run in 95-degree Texas weather and not pass out from heat exhaustion);

2)      It takes you more time to squeeze into your old sports bra than it does to go for the actual run;

3)      Your sports bra is older than your daughter;

4)      Your running socks are older than your son;

5)      You jog with your dog and as soon as you start to feel that runner’s high, he decides to stop, sniff around, and relieve himself. (When this happens, which is often, I have to run in place until he’s done and then pick up his mess (which I’m happy to do in the privacy of my own yard, but not in front of sleep-deprived high school students waiting at the bus stop who shoot you looks that could frighten a hawk into hibernation);

6)      You enjoy jogging when it’s pitch black outside so you don’t have to worry about what you’re wearing. This is a great thing, until the sun starts piercing through the darkness, showing off my Fartlek-meets-Flashdance ensemble and pillow hair. Then I know I have to pick up the pace!

7)      You contemplate running in your ski parka when it’s 23 degrees, and end up tying it around your waist, adding to your Meet the Goldbergs 1980’s look;

8)      You pee a little every time you jog;

9)      You run hills when cars pass by but take a 60-second sanity walk-jog when there are no cars around. (Stop denying it, you know you’ve done it);

10)   You can’t pig out when you come back from a run like you did in your 20s, when you could eat all the chips, salsa, guacamole and fajitas you wanted and burn everything off before going out for margaritas with the girls;

11)   You purposely juice after a run to feel better because you’re still paying for that *&&^^&^$ donut you inhaled five days ago.

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