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FAMILY-MAIN

 

Dealing with unwanted facial hair makes you wonder if Lucy was onto something! – Image from I Love Lucy, the original TV series.

 

As the sun flashed through the windshield, it lit up every hair on my son’s 15-year-old face.

His chin. Even the fuzzy blond ones above his top lip.

I smiled, drove on, and didn’t really think about it.

Until we came to a stop light, and I caught another glance…

And realized what was staring back at me was something so familiar, my denial didn’t stand a chance.

I had no choice but to do the unthinkable, and turn the rear-view mirror ever so slightly toward me.

Holy.

Son-of-a.

OMG.

It can’t be.

Is that a teenage boy’s facial hair staring back at me?

As the sun exposed every one of my unwanted facial hairs.

From the invisible ones above my lip to the stubborn, long ones that shoot from the middle of my brows.

For every hair he had not shaved, I had one just like it times three,

Praying to be plucked and set free.

“Dang,” I thought, driving that day.

Wondering why the sun has to highlight every unwanted hair as plain as day.

Since turning 45, regardless of how much I thread, tweeze or pluck,

The hairs on my face seem to grow as quick as f**.

Forget about fancy waxes, tools or creams, it’s too late now.

My facial hair isn’t just “hair” anymore.

It’s stiffer, stronger and has a mind of its own.

Just when I think it’s taken care of, another five more grow.

It takes a professional village to keep these hairs at bay.

And just when I think I’m in the clear, a long, salt-n-peppa one comes my way.

Forget about the hairs on my chin, for it grows weekly,

Sometimes daily,

And has the ability to sprout overnight.

Showing up, unannounced, in the blinding sunlight.

Just in time for a big event.

And often accompanied by a painful (and bumpy) adult zit.

Something I had professionally threaded last week, seems to reappear after only a matter of days.

The one I can’t seem to figure out is the single, grey-ish, course one that randomly buds on the side of my face.

Oh unwanted facial hair, unwanted facial hair, what is it with thee?

I have you threaded, tweezed even plucked off, but you come back with a vengeance and it hasn’t even been a week.

Oh effing unwanted facial hair,

Nagging, effing unwanted facial hair.

You can suck the age spot forming on my left cheek.

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