I woke up yesterday, took a look in the mirror and saw something staring back at me that scared the Bart Simpson out of me. A wide rear. A large bottom. As in, “Oh my guuuaaah, Becky, look at her butt. It… is…. SO…….BIG.” Oh, yeah, baby got back. I’m sorry, but this calls for a little link from Sir Mix-a-Lot to get you going: http://vimeo.com/43933877

I’m happy. And I’m healthy, (if you turn the other cheek when I have a chocolate bar in my hand). But something happens when you hit your 40’s, my friend. Your metabolism starts changing. It starts to relax, chill out, and practically stop completely. When I was in my 20’s and even 30’s, I could consume half a chocolate cake, go for a 20-minute jog and burn it off by breakfast the next day. Those days? Those days are o-v-e-r, over.

There you are, just minding your own business, being a mom, still eating the kids’ leftovers, wearing long sweaters, walking the dog, taking a jog or an occasional Pilates class. And boom. Age creeps up on you. On my rear to be more exact. What the?? My sister-in-law said something to me after she turned 40 that really stuck with me like a doughnut on the digestive tract, “You know you’ve hit 40 when you wake up and still feel bloated from whatever you ate the night before.” In other words, that wagon wheel of brie from my sanity brunch a couple Sundays ago? It was with me until last Tuesday.

It’s lunch-time and I can still feel last night’s dessert trying to figure out how it wants to punish me. Will it end up on my back? Under my arms? On my butt? Or maybe it wants to share the love and spread the flab evenly? If I could talk to it, I would say, “Hello, jumbo-size chocolate chip cookie. Yeah, hi. You were really delicious last night. But you see, I took a Pilates class and went for a walk today. So you can go ahead and leave whenever you want. No offense, but I think it’s time to go.” Maybe it will take the hint and sneak out the back tonight? Luckily, I’m making it a goal to exercise more in 2013. And I hope to throw out Chocolate Chip and some of his friends this week. Wish me luck!