The other day, some girlfriends and I started trading “Motherhood was toughest for me when” stories. One friend, who I will call Kelli, admitted that when her kids were infants, she felt like she was going stir crazy. “They weren’t even talking to me yet. Being home full-time just wasn’t right for me.” That’s when Kelli decided she was a better mother when she worked. (Later on, she was able to work part-time, which made everything balance out.) Another friend who I will call Lila admitted that she adored those hibernating infant years, but when she eventually went back to work full-time, something didn’t feel right. “Seeing the sitter take my daughter everywhere killed me.” Lila eventually started working from home part-time, giving her the best of both worlds.
Another mom who I will call Dara worked as an attorney for years. Had Dara not quit for good when she decided to be a mom, there would have been no way she could balance it all with her two kids. I could go on and on (and I will eventually, believe me) about my experience as a working mother. The bottom line is I’m at my best when I’m working from home part-time. That’s where I feel like Jackie. That’s where I feel the most balanced. If my kids are sick, I can stay home with them without feeling guilty that I’m missing work. I can walk them to the bus stop, pick them up from school, and never miss a practice. When I was working full time, the pressure of missing work for a practice or coming in early so I could leave early for a pediatrician appointment was emotionally and physically draining. I have to hand it to those moms who work full-time, I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how I did it! I can’t tell you how much stress I carried on my daily commute. But I’m happy to say that although I still have my days, I’m much happier today as a work-from-home-mom. (And I think my boss is a pretty cool lady.)
Venting Sessions 
I can totally relate to all of these stories. I worked nights managing a bar full time when my daughter was little. Other then being tired it was great because I was able to spend the day with her and leave her with my husband while I worked, so no guilt. That was until she started school full time. One morning she asked me when I would be able to tuck her in again, as it had been a long time. I got mornings, daddy got nights. That was it I went down to part time the next day. Now I am at home full time. I blog for at home, to keep my sanity..and it’s wonderful.
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You are my hero, girl! Please share your blog if you can, I’d love to stop by!
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I agree with Jessica – everyone should find what is right for them but it’s interesting how we all seem to want BALANCE. I have wanted it forever. I don’t think it’s possible, but I heard a host on the radio once say that you should focus on one thing at a time, and balance how much time you give each thing in a realistic way. That helped put it into perspective for me. Says a PT WAHM.
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Thanks, Colleen. All I can say is AMEN sistah.
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🙂
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Thanks, Jessica. I think we need to be supportive or else we’d slowly go insane. We’re all different women with different careers, but we all have one main thing in common. We’re MOMS! We’re all rock stars!
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Work at home, work outside the home, stay at home mom — is doesn’t matter. Motherhood can be hard and overwhelming. We all need a break sometimes.
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The coolest part of this post (in my opinion) is that you all have different experiences and you all support each others choices and preferences. Good for you guys!
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I hope so too, Holly. It depends on what you did before you became a SAHM. Be patient. It will happen!
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Thanks, Jen! You rock too!
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I agree, that would be my ideal, but so far I haven’t been able to find work I can do PT from home. I’m a SAHM right now (since baby #3 was born) but we eat into savings more every month, so I’m hoping I can find something soon!
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Thanks so much for sharing. And, yes, CBW, these are all real. My cousin is a single mom and although she used to stay at home with her son and do volunteer work, she has no choice now but to work full time. You are all my heroes!
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I just had to comment that women are so very cool. All of the answers above show such thoughtful views on this difficult subject. I think it is important to remember that with women like I see posting above, I believe our children will grow up to be wonderful human beings because we are trying our very best in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.
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I definitely understand how you feel! Even with my daughter being 11, I hate having her go to care before and after school. I am a Single Mom, so, really didn’t have a choice. I am in the process of starting my own business, now that I am being laid off from my current job, so, I am hoping it works out so I can be home for the more informative years of her life, going into her teenage years.
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I get what you are saying I myself having eight children of different ages I have lived through working full time and working part time and even staying at home and for me I would have to say that I felt better when I was working part time and being able to balance both world and with only working part time I didn’t feel like I was missing everything
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Different things work for different people. I agree that I went crazy when my kids were newborns, but now that they’re a little older, I feel like I would go crazy NOT being with them every second. It would totally break my heart to not be the one doing everything with them.
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Thanks for sharing, Amanda. It’s amazing how our mothering evolves as our kids get older. And how the needs of our children differ as well. I feel like my kids need me now more emotionally!
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I am SO relieved to hear all of your comments. You moms rock! Every one of you. Thank you for venting with me. Back when I was a new mother, I would obsess over what other mothers thought of me and my passion for my career (as if I’m all mature now). At least I’m more confident in my choices today. I have been there, Jeannine. It’s OK, this is just the first phase. I think the key is – do what works for YOU! And that applies to all of you!
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I totally get what you’re saying. when I worked full time, I always felt like I was missing something. Some people are meant to work full-time, some part-time, and some only in the home. Isn’t life beautiful that we have choices?
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Yes, life is beautiful when we have choices! And when we don’t have that luxury, it’s unbelievably hard. It’s a process.
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I too feel like my best when I can balance both worlds. I am so happy I moved to consulting. I can spend much more time with my son now and feel he is better off for it. I don’t know how commuted 3 hours a day, managed an executive position, managed my household and took care of my son without completely losing my mind. Great post Jackie!
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It is great to hear all of these stories. I am currently working full time (which basically means about 50 hours a week) and trying to raise a toddler. I have been working full time since Finnegan was 10 weeks old. And bottom line, it sucks. I have been really contemplating how I can figure out working part time and still being able to figure out how to pay the bills. Uggghhh. I don’t feel good about the work I am doing at my job, and feel guilty all the time about not being able to be at home with Finnegan more. Guilt on both fronts. Not a happy mommy right now.
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I agree with you completely. I work 3-4 days a week, only 3-4 hours on those days…so VERY part time. I am a therapist at a chiropractor’s office…all the people I work with have families, young kids, so they know when I call and say my girl is cutting 2 molars, she won’t let go of me and is running a fever, they totally understand, I need to be with my little girl. It’s nice to have understanding co workers and for myself understanding patients.
I would HATE being a full time working mom, with a leash around my neck with limits to being there for your children. Due to some unfortunate circumstances, I went to work prematurely, didn’t intend on it till our girl was in school, but life is life and you just have to roll with the punches. One thing is for sure, whether you’re a stay at home mom, part time working mom or a full time working mom, we all have our stories and we can all compare…….yet we all have very different reprehensibilities!
Great post…..keep it up!!!!
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……sorry, silly phone *responsibilities*
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