There are many reasons I could be a candidate for Worst Mother of the Year. Or at least Worst Mother of the Month (especially if it’s THAT time of the month.)

There’s the emergency room Triaminic episode when my son was 3 (Triaminic does NOT contain fever-reducing medicine in case you’re wondering) , the dried blueberry barf episode when my daughter was 2, the portable-potty-training fail in the Regal Reptiles parking lot, the tantrum in the Barrington Middle School soccer field when my daughter just started running walking. And my very own whisper-yelling incidents while shopping with my kids. Pick any trip to the store, from any store, from 2001 to 2006, and I’d take home the Showcase Showdown.

I do try. But I think as a mom, when I try too hard to do the right thing, I end up looking like…a &hitty mom.

As my kids age, I keep thinking I’m in the clear. (My kids are 11 and 14, and will be turning 12 and 15 in a matter of weeks.) But a recent family movie night demonstrates that I’m sadly mistaken.

And that I’m still in the running to becoming America’s Next Top Worst Mom. 

I blame my mommy brain – I seem to recall the good stuff and block out the bad.

Allow me to back up a minute.

My daughter recently begged us to watch Forrest Gump for our family movie night. I think she saw the preview somewhere because we’re not sure where it came from. Given the fact that my husband and I often quote “Run, Forrest, Run” and “You can’t sit he-ah” and other lines from this 1994 Academy-award-winning movie without even realizing it, we thought it was a good idea. So after dinner and homework, we snuggled on the sofas with the dogs and started watching the story about the endearing fictitious character played by Tom Hanks. We laughed and congratulated ourselves as parents.

Until the part where you can hear Ms. Gump having sex. (So Forrest can attend public schools, mind you). And we forgot to hit fast-forward.

Or the scene where Forrest is in college and realizes he really, really likes Jenny and I practically twist my ankle reaching for the remote. And another swear word.

And then, oops, another scene, thank God I hit pause on Lieutenant Dan.

Thank God my kids can distinguish right from wrong. Bad words from appropriate words. And that some incidents go over the head of an almost 12-year-old.

I honestly forgot how inappropriate some movies are for kids. Even though I was practically a kid when I watched a lot of inappropriate movies. Hey – they were rated G and PG!

My dad took me and my best friend to see Stripes for crying out loud.

We saw Grease and my friends and I had a blast singing and acting out scenes from GREASE. I was 8 1/2 years old! (I had no idea what half of the underlying references were!) I was in the 6^th grade when I saw Mommie Dearest, and to this day, I still quote lines from this cult classic.

My husband said he saw Jaws in the movie theater with his family the summer it was first released. He’s still scared to go in the pool.

Wow. How times have changed.

I guess you could say my kids built character from that movie night. And they joke that now they know even MORE words they SHOULDN’T say. (As if life doesn’t open them up to enough.) Thankfully, we giggled about the parental-guided deleted scenes. The bad words. And the reaching-for-the-g-d-remote incidents. There was still a universal message in Forrest Gump that warmed our hearts, regardless of the other stuff.

I guess next time, we’ll play Monopoly or Life or watch something from this century.

In the meantime, I will keep my head held high and grab hold of my imaginary award with pride, and thank God we’re not raising Kardashians.