• Contact
  • Blog
  • Professional ghost writing
  • Bio
  • About
  • Press
  • Jackie’s Book
  • Blogs I Love
  • Where’s Jackie?

Venting Sessions

~ where moms can let it out

Venting Sessions

Daily Archives: June 4, 2013

Mother of Pearl

04 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by Jackie in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

We all accidentally swear in front of our kids. You’ve done it. I’ve done it.

We all do it.

Shoot happens. But I will say, through the years, I’ve tried relentlessly to use substitute swear words in front of my kids. Unfortunately, when something happens that’s out of my control……I panic. I forget. I temporarily lose “mommy” control. And although I want the oh-so-satisfying profanities to release themselves into the wild, I catch myself. And I try NOT to say THAT eff-in WORD at the last minute.

For example:

* When I ran downstairs recently, took one wretched whiff and realized my dog had gone #2 loosely all over the family room rug, my kids heard me scream, then shout, “SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh

UUUUUUUGGGGAR.”

* When I burned myself on my daughter’s cute mini cupcake maker, (which I swear was modeled after Arrested Development’s illegal-in-the-U.S. Cornballer machine) my kids might hear: “HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL

LLYYYYYYYY

SHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHuuuugar” spew out of my mouth.

* When I hit my elbow (for the umpteenth time) on the corner of the kitchen counter, all they hear is:

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

uuuuuddddge.”

These words are incredibly lame. I know this. But they must be used….most of the time at least. Or else my children would think their mother is indeed a sailor.

Other favorite phrases in my house that my grandmother frowns at, but I think are passable for good parenting?

– “For the love of…… Christmas”

– “Dang it”

– “Jinkies”(Courtesy of Scooby Doo!)

– “Beetle juice”

– “Flippin'”

– “O M Goodness”

– “Mother of Pearl”

– “Praise Jeebus” (thanks to Homer Simpson)

– “Fahrvergnügen”

– “Holy Tamale”

– And my personal favorite…”Son of a……”

I’m not an idiot. I know my kids don’t live under a rock. I get that they recognize REAL swear words. They watch PG and PG-13 movies (from the 1980’s, mind you) sometimes. It’s all about the ear-muffs, right? When they hear a bad word, my husband and I will warn them, “Ear-muff it, kids. If you accidentally hear it, NEVER use that word”. And they jokingly cover their ears. (Foot note: This method of parenting is courtesy of Vince Vaughn’s role in the movie Old School, thank you very much.)

But as long as I am their mother, I will keep trying! Gosh help me, I will keep trying.

For the record, when my daughter started talking, she had a difficult time putting T and R together. As you may have guessed, almost everything beginning with T or TH winds up sounding like F. This is not a good thing for a variety of reasons. Every time she would see a fire truck, my youngest child would shout out the F word, (and I’m not talking about flippin) repeatedly, for everyone to hear. And all my substitute phrases, along with my mommy pride, would fly out the window. Son of a, holy, for the love of…Mother of PEARL!!

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • More
  • Email
  • Share on Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

Find Jackie on Momunity!

Find Jackie on Providence Moms Collective!

Looking for a ghost writer? Contact Jackie today!

Book available on Amazon!

She was a cast member of the 2017 and 2013 Listen to Your Mother Shows!

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Follow Venting Sessions on Facebook

Follow Venting Sessions on Facebook

Latest from Twitter:

  • RT @SheriMcShane: 5 Favorite Halloween Treats whenthekidsgotobed.com/2021/10/15/5-f… 8 months ago
  • Saturday fun: Something Lilly is on sale in my closet! posh.mk/mTjMHSHfEjb 9 months ago
  • Cheers to getting back to a new normal! ventingsessions.com/2021/07/16/che… 11 months ago
  • When you see what this dry cleaner tag says, it might shock you. But then again, we’re all in this together. instagram.com/p/CPYHD1bnZQun… 1 year ago
  • A Lilly dress for how much? Whaaaat? posh.mk/mRMa1kXOfgb 1 year ago
Follow @JackieHennesse1

Archived Posts

Previous Posts

June 2013
M T W T F S S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
« May   Jul »

How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker Wins IndieReader Discovery Award!

I signed books at the Boston Book Festival!

Posts by Category

  • General Mommentary
  • Survey Says
  • Mommy Musings
  • Uncategorized
  • Little Links
  • You’re Still A Good Mom If
  • Random Recipies
  • Oh, Mother

Jackie hosted a fun “wine and cheese” book signing at Books on the Square March 1!

Enjoy wine, cheese dip & a reading with Jackie from 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.

Books on the Square in Providence's Wayland Square

Jackie was part of Barnes & Noble Local Authors’ Night!

Jackie joined fellow local authors at the Warwick Barnes & Noble!

Jackie spoke at the Southern New England Women’s Expo

Jackie was a featured presenter at the SENE Women's Expo Sept. 30!

Categories

Mom Bloggers Club

Paypal

Archives

  • July 2021
  • March 2020
  • October 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • December 2018
  • October 2018
  • May 2018
  • February 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • August 2017
  • May 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • September 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011

Blogroll

  • Blog
  • Discuss
  • Get Inspired
  • Get Polling
  • Get Support
  • Learn WordPress.com
  • Susie Brown's web site
  • Theme Showcase
  • WordPress Planet
  • WordPress.com News

  • Follow Following
    • Venting Sessions
    • Join 187 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Venting Sessions
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
%d bloggers like this: