Are you a natural at decorating? When it comes to interior design, the women in my family have a knack for making something from TJ Maxx look like it’s imported from the south of France. Or they spend weeks sewing drapes that look like they were flown in by a Hollywood designer. You may need to take a seat for this one: My maternal relatives still CHANGE their drapes with the seasons. Who has the patience for this? God bless them. (I hope my daughter gets some of their genes.) I, on the other hand, inherited my dear paternal grandmother’s instincts when it comes to décor. Let’s just say I like to play on the safe side. I buy my own drapes. And they stay hanging ALL YEAR LONG. My couch is the color of crap for a reason (something that I go into further in my book, How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker). I’m not into big trends, silk flowers or anything too mix-and-matchy, which for the record, is exactly what the designers recommend. If you were to describe my style? Post-college dorm meets eclectic desperation. I adore my friends and family, but I tend to invite them over when it’s too dark to see the dog hair on my rug and my staid décor in the bright sunlight. About six years ago, I painted everything known to man in my house white because I wanted it to be cottagey looking to go with the rest of my house. Jackie’s version of Design on a Dime if you will. Through the years, that cottagey look, along with the fresh paint, has faded RIDONKULOUSLY. I’ve been calling it shabby chic for so long, and although it was never really shabby chic, I’m too stubborn and practical to admit that I need some decorator love. I have a tendency to take a while to embrace trends. (I think I learned a lesson growing up in the suburbs of Texas with puke green colored carpets and appliances. Things do go out of style over the years.) Or I’ll go overboard. Carson, from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, if you ever come to Rhode Island, please make my house (and me) your next project! I would love for you to tear me away from my bad designer habits.

And by the way, I totally miss this show, which went off the air years ago. But I have been happily watching repeats lately thanks to Netflix (when everyone is out of the house and I need some mommy sanity). Miss you guys!