cell phone | Venting Sessions

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books, cell phone, life, mean girls, pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, siri, writing

Do you remember the mean girls at your school? Maybe one queen bee in particular?

Where I grew up (in a suburb outside Houston, Texas) the mean girls had these Valley girl accents with a slight twang that made them SOUND sincere. But bless their hearts, they were SO NOT. Think Regina George with a bi-level and braces. I grew up in the 1980s. I’m a proud Gen Xer. But those mean girls did a number on my self-esteem.

Fast forward to 2026.

I’m a grown woman. A mom, a wife. My hair, heart, and skin have all thickened up (thank you Lord). I am no longer a scraggly teen sporting jelly shoes. (Well at least not the ones I got at the mall in 1984.) What mean people think of me doesn’t (always) bug me.

But when it comes to my cell phone? The one device I rely on to make my life a little easier? It’s a totally different story.

What I’m trying to say is: I fear my iPhone (who I call Siri Lou) is turning into a mean girl. There I said it.

Every day, it’s: “You haven’t taken as many steps as you did this time last year.”

Seriously? I don’t need this. Especially after the sleepless night I had.

“You aren’t burning as many calories as you did last month.”

Such unrealistic expectations, Siri Lou. I’m dealing with a LOT of hormonal changes right now.

“You are taking fewer steps this week than you did last week.”

I literally just got back from vacation. You were barely with me! Can you NOT?

And my personal favorite, when she doesn’t recognize my face first thing in the morning. (It could have something to do with the fact that I woke up in my own sweat shadow, but still.)

Why does she have to be so mean?

Does she not know that I fractured my toe several weeks ago?

That taking even 10 steps in a pair of boots hurt like heck?

You took 250 steps today.

I left you on the passenger seat!

Every pathetic reminder is like being teased for wearing off-brand jeans.

Siri Lou can kiss my grown rear. I mean, I adore her when she’s being helpful. But lately, she only cares how far, how long and how often I’m stepping.

If she only knew HOW I fractured my toe. (I’ll save that for another time.)

Although I enjoy keeping my step count when I AM keeping up, I think it’s time for Siri Lou to be sent to detention.

Some tips for managing a toxic relationship with your cell phone (and Siri Lou-like apps):

#1? Turn off the “Mean Girl” Features!

Turn Off Notifications: The quickest way to put an end to the shame spiral is to turn off the very notifications that make you feel like crap.

Stop keeping score and ignore the “Scores”: Apps like Fitbit and Apple Health are great when they help, but not when they force arbitrary daily goals. Edit like heck to hide those daily reminders.

It’s time to start making new friends. Switch to some new friendlier apps such as:

“Hot Girl Steps”: An app designed to track steps with “better energy” even if you don’t walk one day.

Gentler Streak: Another happier app that encourages a “gentle” streak rather than punishing you with unrealistic goals.

Bearable: A tracking app that helps you identify patterns between symptoms and lifestyle.

Take a Break: You don’t need to measure your steps to be healthy. Sometimes the best move is to delete the app for a week.

She is Flawed: Fitness trackers can seem pretty and perfect, but they can be inaccurate, and their algorithms are not necessarily designed for your body or background.