I don’t need to remind you of what’s going on in the world. I hope you and your family are staying healthy. And sane. Aside from all the family bonding, I think there are some silver linings in all of this. As a 40-something mother of two teens, I’ve realized I have to maintain some semblance of sanity and take each day one at a time. (Or I’ll end up wandering around my yard in a robe and pink foam rollers.) So…..I have come up with a list of things that are helping me stay sane and I had to share them with you.

Some sprinkles of sanity in light of the $h*t show that’s surrounding us:

• Our roots. I believe roots will be back in style. I’m talking salt and peppa here. After the highlights disappear and our roots begin to sprout, I believe they will be back in style. If Sarah Jessica Parker could pull off dark roots and make them look adorable and sexy in the city, why shouldn’t we? Until this is over, may our dark headbands (the ring of wretched roots that surround our parts) unite us, girls. Oh, may we shine together.
• Old pairs of pants will be like new again. Guess what? No one can see that you’re sporting sweatpants on video conference calls. They can’t see your flannel lama PJ pants on the call. So maybe, when this is over, our old pairs of pants will feel new again! (That is, if we can still fit in them.) And yes, I had to put down a sleeve of Ritz as I typed that.
• Top prop. Speaking of video conferencing, you CAN make yourself look adorable and presentable. All it takes is a cute top! Why not pair a colorful blouse with those three-day-old sweaty yoga pants? That new blazer you found back when the stores were open? Grab it from your closet. It’s probably the only clean top you have right now. SO PUT IT ON!
• The ladies are happy. This probably doesn’t even need to be mentioned. But for the sake of this space, let’s just say I have worn the same bra for eight straight days. Most of my friends have gone bra-less. Whatever floats your boat, ladies. Go for it!
• Zoom loungewear? Remember 1970’s leisure suits? With all the quarantine comforts, could we see more and more people out in public sporting vintage loungewear as daywear? I cringe and cackle at the possibilities.
• Quarantine parodies and dog videos. I have never watched so many parody dog videos in my life. And I can’t stop. I can’t believe I’m admitting this but I don’t think I will ever tire of quarantine dog videos where canines, in high-pitched human voices complain about their humans always being home. (I have a feeling my two Goldens talk about us when we’re asleep.)
• Big brows. My teenage daughter has been encouraging me to grow out my eyebrows. Oh, it’s happening. At an unprecedented rate. I pray ungroomed brows will be back. In case you didn’t know, when you’re about to turn 49, you start to look like Andy Rooney in that area. (RIP.)
• Shorter lashes. If stumpy, clumpy eyelashes are in, I’m the quarantine queen. Out of sheer panic, I purchased drugstore mascara recently and I think it has shortened the lifespan of my already wimpy lashes. But I’ll let you in on a little secret – you can use a filter to make yourself look better on video calls on days when you’re feeling especially crusty.
• On toes and fingernails. I honestly wonder if Lee Press on Nails will be making a comeback. I had a pedicure about a month ago. You would not know this if you saw my toes. I cannot for the life of me remove the nail polish that has not chipped off. I have tried everything except paint thinner. I think the color is actually pasted on. Plus I have accidentally injured my husband in the middle of the night with my un-manicured nails knives.
• Not touching hands. If not shaking hands becomes a post-quarantine habit, maybe moisturizing our hands will no longer be necessary? Can we talk about how dry our hands are with all the excessive hand washing? Mine are like sand paper. I could use some Polmolive right about now. I need to soak them for a month. I was going to give them an overnight Vaseline and plastic glove solution, but unfortunately, there are no gloves left in the free world.
• Work it out. Maybe Jane Fonda’s workouts will come back? I have been taking walks, jogging or doing aerobics along with online Pilates classes to stay in shape. If we’re all working out at home and trying to mix it up, why not grab a can of soup and do like Jane Fonda did in the 80’s? Jog around the room. The yard. Do jumping jacks. Turn up some Bananarama. Feel the burn, ladies!
• Dance it out. Another habit that has helped me stay sane is turning up my tunes while doing the dishes or fixing dinner. It’s all about dancing it out in the kitchen. I’m talking Stevie Nicks, Madonna, even the Beastie Boys. Oh my kids shake their heads in embarrassment. And laugh…with me?
• Chopping expectations. We placed an online grocery order the other day, but it couldn’t be delivered. Many essential items, as I’m sure you have discovered, were not available. So we decided to make what we had left in the kitchen. After noticing all the leftovers had been devoured, we checked the freezer. And there, buried under waffles and a pint of ice cream, lay a single box of family size frozen lasagna. So we plopped it on a cookie sheet and baked it for 90 minutes. As the four of us huddled around the kitchen island, eating boxed lasagna and frozen creamed spinach, we could not stop laughing. It was not a proud culinary moment. (I’m not exactly a chef anyway.) But it was one we will never forget. We all giggled while we ate. And it wasn’t that bad. (Btw, this happened the day before one of us escaped to the grocery store for much healthier options.) Hey, in a quarantine, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do, right? When my son went in for seconds, I realized that it honestly doesn’t matter. We are grateful. Giggling, but grateful. What matters is that we have our health. We have each other. And we have our sanity!