Do you try to do too much every day? No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop yourself from doing one more thing? Washing another dish? Folding another pillow case? Answering another email? Cramming in another conference call? Do you tire yourself out and then snap at everyone? Do you volunteer for too many things and then find yourself overwhelmed? Is the word “No” not part of your everyday vocabulary? Girl, you are sorta, kinda…a mommy martyr and it sounds like you need some mommy martyr re-hab. (Or a night out with the girls!) I’ve tried to create more of a balance in my life lately, but I still have my days. There are times when I have three minutes to spare to pick up my kids from practices or playdates, but for some reason, I run late. All because I’m trying to cram in one more thing. I have a neighbor who admits you can count on her to be EXACTLY five minutes late for everything. Why do we do this to ourselves? What goes on inside our heads? We’re moms, not martyrs!
I had about 10 bags worth of groceries stuffed into a tiny hand-held cart the other day. I swear it weighed 45 pounds. You’d think I would have grabbed a shopping cart with wheels. A young cashier even asked me if I wanted a big cart and I STILL said, “No, thank you!” (As my 40-something back started to ache.) As if I had something to prove to a 17-year-old grocery store employee who calls me “Ma’am”! It didn’t dawn on me until I was in my driveway that I was TOTALLY acting like a mommy martyr. Quick sidebar and mommy martyr justification: My kids weren’t with me, so I actually got more shopping done in that 12-minute span than I would have in an hour WITH kids.
Are you sorta, kinda…a mommy martyr too? Let it out, moms!
Venting Sessions 
The shopping Mommy Martyr is totally me! I just did that yesterday, while trying to get in some last minute Canada Day shopping. Why do I do it to myself? My biceps felt like they were going to explode. It didn’t help that I had 3L of milk and 2L of orange juice to contend with! Seriously?
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Yes, as the metal handle digs through our hand. I hear ya! Why? Why do we do it?
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The new RULE is I am on time or a little after – EARLY what is that?
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I do the same thing every.single.day!! Let me get the floor washed quick at 10pm. Cleaning the toy room, why not just rearrange the furniture and take up my entire evening which is my “me” time. I don’t need a cart…just a few things. Don’t show any weakness as the metal handle is digging through my hand.
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Thanks, Lori! Yes, it’s all about finding a healthy balance. I love your book, Momnesia, and agree that moms suffer from Momnesia and Mommy Martyr Syndrome in some way. (Especially your main character, who I fell in love with!) When we do too much, and get resentful, that’s when we need to stop and take a look at ourselves and re-group. Not quit, just find balance! Get a mani and pedi. Go for a walk without the kids. Spend time with you, then take care of everyone else!
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This post SO speaks to my heart: I think it is entirely common for we moms to try and get more and more done. And the truth is, we do have a lot to get done. But when it gets to the point that we’re feeling angry, resentful, or like “nothing but a slave,” that’s when we need to remind ourselves to find balance!
(Jackie, as you know…) In my novel, “Momnesia,” finding balance between “momminess” and “sexiness” is the main theme of the story. As the author, I often look to the main character for inspiration when I realize my own Momnesia is taking over!
Thanks for the great post… I’m sure lots of us moms out here receive some relief, even if it is from the commiserative viewpoint of not being alone in feeling this way!
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